I hate being a bipolar bisexual in a lesbian relationship

I really hate my life. I haven't been happy in my relationship forever. People say that I am acting the way I am because I am bipolar, but I am finally on medication. I understand myself better than ever now, things are so much clearer for me and yes, I am irritated by all the shit I put up with before and I don't want to put up with it anymore. It isn't that I am bipolar, it is that I am aware. I haven't been happy for a long time, I don't blame that on anyone. My girlfriend thinks it is her, but I wasn't happy when I was with my ex-boyfriend of 4 years either. I have never been a happy person, maybe when I was a kid, but I can't remember a happy moment in the last 20 years where I was just completely content. I am sick of getting upset and then my girlfriend has to turn it around that she is upset and that it is all her fault that I am upset....God damnit, let me just be upset for myself for one friggin moment....it isn't about you and I resent that you always have to make everything about you. Let me have my own feelings independent of you, let me be myself. I feel like I have been in one loveless relationship after another, my parents cherish my sister, all my sexual relationships have been shit and now I am 25 and I would rather drowned my sorrows in a bottle of Jack Daniels. Well, I better go...the Mrs. is getting bitchy because I don't want to eat dinner because I am upset that she threw out my credit card....god damn, like I really want to deal with more drama. Sometimes I wish I could runaway, never comeback and start a new life the way I want, doing what I want and not trying to fit into another mold that someone has made for me...I want to live my way or not at all...does that make sense? I don't want to die...no way...that would suck, I just don't want to exist in the world around me, I want to change my world.